Old habits die hard.

Thats just who I am.

I can’t change.

Accept me for who I am.

I was born this way.

My mom/dad/grandmother /…fill in your own!

 

Habits get cemented in over the years and before long they become a part of who we are. They become “unchangeable “ parts of who we believe we are. To break a habit takes a conscious and determined effort. A new habit they say, takes 21 days to form. I’m quite sure though that an old one takes a lot longer than that to die!

The subconscious memory of what comes naturally to us, cell memory, automatic responses and reflexes are only changed by determining to change them and then setting about doing the hard work to change them.

A habit cannot and will not change by itself. A toxic or destructive habit needs hard core action.

If we learn to do something by imitation or by nature, we consider that to be unchangeable. Take something as simple as walking for example. We learn to walk from around 1 year old and if we were to walk behind a cripple person for the first few years of our lives, we would more than likely walk like them.

I have recently been plagued by rather bad back ache. When I went to see my physiotherapist she told me that I walk incorrectly.

Hold on,WHAT? I walk by putting one foot in front of the other – how can that be wrong?

Her response was simple. Tuck your tailbone in. Pretend there is a soft peach between your shoulder blades that you can’t allow to fall. I am still struggling to “walk properly”, mostly because I simply forget to do what does not come naturally. It takes a conscious reminder to myself daily to follow her instructions. Funny enough, she was right! When I make the effort to walk as she told me to, its awkward and uncomfortable but I can immediately feel the difference on my back muscles.

Isn’t it the same with unhealthy work habits, sleep habits, driving habits, eating habits and basically every conceivable action or habit? We learn a certain way and that becomes the only way -we stick to what we know because its humiliating to have our faults or bad habits pointed out to us. The excuses at the beginning of this post may sound familiar! It requires effort, tucking away our pride (or tailbone in my case!) and working towards a better way. If what we do, say or think is detrimental or destructive to ourselves or to our relationships it is up to us to have the courage to find a new way of doing things that isn’t.

Courage to change bad habits doesn’t come easy. It’s hard and often the benefits are not seen for a long time. Do you remember the first time you went to gym and saw all the toned bodies strutting past you? I remember my first time walking into a gym and telling myself that I was going to train every day and in 3 months when I went on honeymoon I would look like one of the gym Barbie’s. I never went daily and I never looked like one of them. Firstly it would have taken a lot longer than 3 months and a lot more changes – what went into my mouth was not always conducive to achieving my far off goal. Secondly, my body structure, time management and determination were not the same as those gym bunnies and thirdly, I never had the will power to change what I needed to change in order to see the changes I wanted to see.

Although being addicted to the gym is not destructive, there are many practices and habits that are. The question is, is our pride too big to acknowledge the need for change? Often we choose a path of offense rather than self searching. Offense is a cop-out from dealing with the ugly things In ourselves  that we are confronted with. 

Can I challenge you (and me) to stand in front of the mirror, take off those pretty rose colored glasses and really look deep? It takes a brave person to admit that the way I treat others is not a way that I would like to be treated. The words, tones and nuances that come into my conversations can cause hurt to another person and that those habits need to die. And yes, they can be killed off. It’s darn difficult and humiliating and all sorts of awful but I believe we owe it to ourselves to leave this earth one day having lived out the best version of ourselves possible. We can put self pity, offense and harmful behavior behind us because we are capable and worthy of a better life and better relationships .

Painful processes lead to healing, and new habits cause dead and diseased relationships to breath new air and be reborn into something beautiful. Woe -is- me attitudes and demeanors can be changed into joyful and hope-filled ones. Ugly words can be exchanged for edifying ones and unhealthy practices can move over and make way for life giving actions.

One scripture that I love is Judges 6:12 where God sees Gideon hiding like a coward in a cave and calls him BRAVE AND MIGHTY WARRIOR. Before he stepped into that identity God saw it in him and addressed it – I often wonder what God sees in me that I’m too afraid to become.

What is your one thing that you know needs to go?

Identify  it today and make a promise to yourself that you will not give it free license to be a part of you a minute longer. Go on Brave One!

 

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PSALM 51:10