I love being flattered as much as anybody else. To hear nice things spoken about myself is uplifting and encouraging—after all, who doesn’t enjoy being told just how wonderful they are? Yet there is a fine line between enjoyment and addiction. Just as I might enjoy a slab of Cadbury’s chocolate, I cannot allow it to become my identity and the foundation of all my joy.
The world is always trying to make us feel good, and flattery is one of its best tricks. We’re easily swayed by words that make us feel seen and loved. When we feel noticed, we’re more likely to get caught up in whatever is being offered.
When adoration becomes necessary to make us feel good, we place ourselves in a very vulnerable spot. Those who recognise this weakness quickly learn that they can get whatever they want, as long as they say what our itching ears need to hear. Flattery can make you stupid—and poor. I’ve watched people feel obligated to pay for dinners, lifestyles, and holidays simply because they themselves had cultivated a culture of freeloading.
Approval, when craved, is costly.
It’s a curious thing how the words of acknowledgment from a loved one often feel less sweet than those of a stranger. Perhaps it’s because strangers offer novelty, mystery, and the illusion of objectivity. Whatever the reason, this hunger leaves us vulnerable. Flattery and adoration are among the most dangerous forms of manipulation, and when our foundation is built on the approval of others, we trade all wisdom for a single flattering word.
I once witnessed this seduction play out in real time. One Sunday in church, a man approached my husband and complimented everything from his shoes to his clothes, his hair, and everything in between. I waited, knowing something was coming. It didn’t take long before the “something” became clear. It turned out to be a very well greased attempt to manipulate him into investing in some hairbrained idea. The blatancy was almost admirable, yet utterly mortifying and hilarious to watch! Luckily my beloved had the sense to gracefully decline…
This is the world we live in every day. Often, we don’t even recognise the serpent because we are too busy enjoying how it makes us feel. Sometimes we sit watching it work its foul magic on others as they walk blindly into its trap.
When it begins squeezing the life out of us and we’re fighting for breath, its too late to back out.
“How sly and cunning is the temptress. How dangerous are her weapons that look so lovely from a before-death position. How kind and generous are her words—until we see her for who she really is.”
Proverbs 7 warns us clearly, yet we convince ourselves it’s just a fairytale from a very outdated book. After all, how could something that feels so good be anything but wonderful?
Place a piece of steak within a dog’s range of smell and it will sniff until it finds it. We, who like to believe we are far wiser than animals, are still led over the cliff by unchecked desire and ego.
I have just seen a photo of a woman who had a hole pierced into her ear lobe for her pet snake to drape from. It probably sounded like a really good idea at the time until the snake got stuck…The metaphor here is clear- if the snake gets a chance to climb into your ear, its’ plan is to stay!
Our need to have our egos stroked has tripped humanity up since the beginning of time. Motives and methods have not changed. We hear stories and exclaim, “How could he or she be so foolish?” Yet we are just as vulnerable when temptation knocks at our own door.
The ability to say a clear, succinct “no” takes courage and practice—especially if guilt tripping has always followed our refusals. Over time, we can become convinced that we have no right to deny anyone what they demand from us. If all someone has to do is flatter us or show their disapproval, we become nothing more than puppets in the hands of entitled and clever puppeteers.
Addicts will do whatever they must to obtain what they crave, slamming the door in the face of wisdom for momentary satisfaction. Breaking free from substance addiction is hard. Breaking free from the addiction to approval may be even harder, because we can disguise it as kindness and generosity. “Those in need” are often not needy at all, but sharks who sense your addiction and feed on it.
God calls us to live wisely. Rebuilding our foundations on what He says about us—and forsaking the unstable praise of the world—is no small task. Yet true freedom comes when we seek the approval of a God who has already deemed us worthy and more than enough.
You may lose part of your fan club on the road to recovery, but you may also discover people who will walk with you—loving you without demanding that you feed them or meet their needs.
Guard your heart. Place God at the center. Ask for wisdom daily and accept good counsel. Walk in integrity and ALWAYS examine whatever feels off. Look before you leap. That one thoughtful step back might save your life, your reputation, your marriage, and your future.
A “no” takes practice. My sister likes to say that “no” is a full sentence!
Freedom begins the moment you learn to say it.
“A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”
Proverbs 26:28 NIV
“These people grumble and complain and live by their own selfish desires. They brag about themselves and flatter others to get what they want.”
Jude 1:16 CEVDCI
“Being wealthy means having lots of “friends,” but the poor can’t keep the ones they have.”
Proverbs 19:4 TPT
“Only simpletons believe everything they’re told! The prudent carefully consider their steps.”
Proverbs 14:15 NLT
God Ideas 